By the end of this blog, we'll be more than halfway through the darkness of a set review that might have gone too long. But we've come to far to stop now! Though the night looks darkest, we must get through Black, the color of despair...
Black! The dark of ages past! Black! The blog that ends at last!!
I guess I had to work in a Les Miserables reference that kind of belongs here. Black is home to some pretty miserable design failures that are just plain disappointing as Magic cards. Despite this fact, the black commons in Dragons of Tarkir are home to what many players have dubbed the best card in the entire set. There's no new archetypes that present themselves as in Green and Red, but instead, existing black decks get plenty of new tools to solidify such things as UB Devotion as constant metagame forces.
So without further adieu, Cabel's Critique of a New Release: Dragons of Tarkir for Standard Pauper continues with...
BLACK
This trick recalls two other from the past due to a two-word sentence: "Regenerate it." These are both still legal in Standard Pauper: Theros's Boon of Erebos and M15's Necrobite, neither one currently played in the format, probably because we figured out back in Innistrad block (where Necrobite debuted) that it looks good on paper, but doesn't result in any competitive glee. But this time, it's also a decent-sized pump spell that grants lifelink. That's very helpful when trading up. And if you're connecting to the dome, it's a six-point swing. Still, at three mana, it teeters at the threshold of what demanding Spikes deem "playable." So I remain undecided.
Cabel's Critique: PASS
Coat With Venom
Here is another trick that also brings Necrobite mind thanks to the "deathtouch until end of turn" clause. We've seen this before at common, on the aforementioned black spells and way back in Lorwyn with Lace with Moonglove. Again, neither card saw competitive play in Standard Pauper. But those were three whole mana. At a single black, this is as cheap as they come. And with a +1/+2 boost tacked on to it, it might even get there. On the other hand, this is Black we're talking about. In this color, your removal is usually better when it can operate when your board is empty. I hate to repeat myself, but this is neither a fail or a win until we see what it can do. I'll note that I am pleased with WotC's design team for having essentially sliced an old bad card in twain the way they have with these first two entries in the black Dragons commons.
Cabel's Critique: PASS
Defeat
Now that's what I'm talking about! Just kill the creature already, no board required, no strings attached. Well, except for that little limitation on how big a dude you can kill off. The Standard Pauper format is always awash in small dudes. This takes out every major threat in the Heroic decks before they become unmanageable, all the tokens produced in White and the Izzet control build, and even hits the most powerful creature in the format, Gary himself. Add to this an elegant single-word name that was just waiting to see print, an attractive piece of artwork, and flavor text that appears to have been lifted from Sun Tzu's "Art of War" itself and it appears we have a win-
-er...
...this is a Sorcery. Not an instant! This should clearly have been an instant. But it's not. For no good reason. Oh, the agony of Defeat! Why, Wizards, why? You were so close with this one. So damn close it's not even funny. Had this been given the correct card type, it would have been one of the best designed black cards at common ever printed in Magic's history. But R&D and Mr. Rosewater want to have their "New World Order" conspiracy, and that, fellow Paupers, is why we can't have nice things.
So I take back all the nice things I had to say about this piece. The printing of this at bad sorcery peed instead of useful instant is a slap in the face I refuse to forgive. Y'know what did here, Wizards? You defeated your own purpose and you failed your customers.
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Duress
Cabel's Critique: BOARD
Dutiful Attendant
Finally, we have a clear winner that I can declare as a win right off the bat. This is plenty good on its face for modern-day black recursion effects stamped on to a creature (now that Gravedigger has been foolishly moved up in rarity...more "New World Order" nonsense). As the good folks at the MagicGatheringStrat Show mentioned in their awesome Standard Pauper set review (watch it here...do it!) this exists alongside the new Exploit mechanic. And it really is the perfect creature to Exploit. I fully expect this to see some play. Even if I'm wrong it doesn't make the cut, I still maintain it's a fantastic design complete with a name that does not tie it to Tarkir, so we may very well see this return in future sets. This is Magic perfection in ink on cardboard. Finally!
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Speaking of "New World Order" conspiracy, this should further dispel the idea that any such thing exists at R&D. Two sets after Khans gave us the terrible, awful, expensive Throttle - good only in Limited - we get a reduction in mana cost that this effect deserves. And unlike the failure (the agony!) of Defeat, this is an instant. As decent removal should be. It may not see much play or be a staple, but it could easily prove itself in the format. Regardless of whether it becomes a Standard Pauper staple or another forgotten spell, the design is still fantastic and meets my high standards.
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Foul-Tongue Shriek
Warning: I'm taking this foul-tongued stuff quite literally because I'm a grown-up who will exercise my right to cuss when it's appropriate, and this card name makes it so. So here goes ...
Damn, bitch! Don't fuck with any Orzhov Tokens decks after this shit drops! Your ass better have some permission to stop this life-swinging house or Black is going to have permission to fuck you up!
Forgive me, I had to :-) But I mean what I say: this piece might enable a token strategy in black the way Impact Tremors is going to enable a red tokens deck. And if the two cares join forces in a Rakdos Tokens build? That might be Magical Christmasland thinking, but the potential is there. So with such a potentially huge swing for only one black mana and a bad ass name and artwork to go with it, I can't help but give this a top-notch review. And have my fun doing it!
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Returning all the way from Dark Ascenion comes Gravepurge, which itself was a flavorful renaming of Lorwyn block's Foodbottom Feast. One can use this as it's always been used: get one dude back instantly, or stack your top deck with a bunch of deceased critters and grab the most important one first. In a Gray Merchant metagame, this can easily bring your deck back from the dead (just be careful when deciding which spells to Delve out of your yard when you cast your Treasure Cruise!). Couple this with some killer dragon-style artwork from the ever-talented Nils Hamm, and I'm giving this a win even if it is a reprint.
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Hand of Silumgar
First let me get my hands around that pronunciation. Sil. Um. Gar. Okay, got it. Next, let me wrap my head around why design space is begin wasted on functional reprints that have no impact on the Standard Pauper metagame in the first place. This is a Child of Night that isn't even a Vampire. Or any manner of undead for that matter. It's just a Warrior, and Warriors are trained in the art of combat. It's your Clerics, Shamans, and Witches that get trained in magic, not fighter class variants. The flavor isn't there and neither is the application for the format. This card can talk to the hand.
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Ever since Walking Corpse debuted and finally gave Black its Grizzly Bear (even if they didn't name it Grisly Bear, which would have been the best way to do things) the color seems to have been getting 2/2's for 1B with even more tacked on. This one lets you Dash it in for an extra mana. And then have to Dash it in again. Once again, I'm in agreement with the crew at MagicGatheringStrat: the casting cost and Dash cost should have been flipped here.
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Marsh Hulk
What IS this? "Vengeance is his sole purpose?" I don't THINK so. The sole purpose of this card is to be a bad card. So that players can understand that bad cards exist, I suppose. Which is a poor excuse I will always vehemently disagree with: bad cards exist so that Wizards of the Coast and Hasbro's stock-holders can get fat and rich for doing no work while down-on-their-luck fans who open this in their packs feel even worse about the cards life deals them, dammit. That is disgusting. Absolutely disgusting and fucking insulting. So it's not just a mere fail. Instead, I'm giving this a proper authoritative communist's verdict, with no merciful show trial required.
Cabel's Critique: PURGE!
Here's another constantly reprinted card. It's already available in M15, as it should be in a Core Set. In an expansion, however, this card and its blue cousin, Divination, is just wasted design space. Laziness on the part of R&D. Whatsamatter, guys? Couldn't come up with anything that happens if a Dragon card is discarded? Couldn't reduce the cost in exchange for some life loss? Or anything else acceptable to Black's philosophy? Couldn't wait until the new no-cores, all-blocks schedule to give this back after a brief absence at the very least? If you ask me, it's the design and development teams that are suffering from rotting gray matter.
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Qarsi Sadist
That's better. This is a creative and flavorful fellow. There are plenty of black one drops than can outlive their usefulness for the Sadist to exploit. A four point swing for only half the mana is no joke and I've always liked it. And if it's a Dutiful Attendant you are exploiting, you just got some black-as-hell value. Not a bad piece o art, either, and a very black piece of flavor text that brings up some interesting philosophical issues on martyrdom in collectivism for me. Well done, sirs (but don't think this sacrifice earns you any redemption from your previous failures).
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Now a 2/2 flyer in black for only three mana is always good. To hell with whether it can block or not. That just isn't Black aggro's thing. But the ability to start swinging in with it on turn two is gold. I'm tempted to sneak this into my the Demonic Duel Deck. It's just perfect for it. Maybe in the future we'll see it get a slot in a Divine vs. Demonic 2.0 update. For now, this Imp makes me a happy overlord.
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Shambling Goblin
For all my unyielding criticism of WotC R&D, I think it's clear by now that I will not hesitate to praise them if they've correct past design flaws. This is one such example. And what a correction it is! Back in the day, your Festering Goblin would place you in a quandary if the only creature to give -1/-1 to was on your side of the battlefield. Not so any longer with this decaying little dude. This is the closest we'll get to the awesome Fume Spitter from Scars of Mirrodin, and since Exploit is a mechanic, it might be just as well that you cannot just sacrifice it to get the removal any longer. And those beady yellow eyes? Well, now. That's the best Zombie Goblin my boring brown eyes have ever seen. Well done, Wizards!
Cabel's Critique: WIN
First of all, I have to say this: do we really need card names that recall heavily-marketed, over-priced chewing gum that loses its flavor faster than 88 miles per hour? Think before you name a card, guys. Think, McFly, think!
Apart from that, 2/3's for three are not the worst thing in Standard Pauper, but they're also not the best. Having to discard a card of your own means you'll have to be careful and cast this only when it's the last piece in your grip...unless, of course, you just need to toss one last land to can cast that Treasure Cruise at fully-charged Ancestral Recall power. So aside from the strange name (can Zombies walk and chew gum at the same time?) I suppose I'll be a benevolent dictator here.
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Silumgar Butcher
Expensive Hill Giant is expensive. But wait! The Exploit ability on this makes up for it. Unless you're playing this card wrong and Exploiting it to yourself. If Throttle was bad at instant speed, then sorcery speed almost-Throttle is terrible. But if your opponent has been playing around your 1/1 deathtouch rats and snakes or you've got that Black Cat lying about while the enemy is hanging on to his trump card and hoping his 3/3 will get there? Then you can ruin his day the way only a Black mage can. It may not be awesome. But paired with that impaled djinn, I can give a good Vincent Price evil laugh while playing this card.
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Vulturous Aven
At long last, we come to the cream of the crop. Vulturous Aven might well be the best card in the set out of any color, period. As Gwyned over at Writer Adept has observed, this is a very high toughness for a black flying creature. As for me, I was an instant fan of Sign in Blood when it debuted in M10 and I've been using as many copies as I can ever since. I mainly loved the fact that it could go to your opponent's face to win the game if necessary. The later variations on Sign (Read the Bones and Bitter Revelation, both also available in Standard Pauper at the moment) removed this ability. Though Vulturous Aven doesn't give us the option of going straight to the dome, we do get ourselves a 2/3 with evasion. Which is even better. And huge!
Now your Sign in Blood (at the expense of a mere 1/1 you've got lying around) can end up doing a lot more than two damage. How much? Depends on how much removal you packed into your black deck. Imagine if you draw enough to clear this Vulture's path and end up dealing all the damage you need to win the game, then the match, then the whole tournament? This is extremely likely. By no stretch of the imagination. That's why you're going to see Vulturous Aven being played in Standard Pauper for as long as it's legal. And that's why it's the best damn card in the whole damn set.
Cabel's Critique: WIN!
Wandering Tombshell
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
After all that, I have to conclude that the Black cards in Dragons of Tarkir are somewhat of a mixed bag. We've got probably the worst cards in the set here. But that Vulture makes up for it. And when playing competitively in Standard Pauper, I don't need to win everything outright to be happy. Breaking even works for me, and Black breaks even in this set. Not too great, not too bad.
We're almost done with the most extensive - and hopefully entertaining - set review for the Standard Pauper metagame. After a break for the rest of the weekend, I'll return with the Blues and the Whites to finish things off. I hope you're enjoying the series and please don't hesitate to share your thoughts on how ridiculously long and awful it is down there in the comments :-) Have a good weekend and good luck & have fun, especially it you're heading to a Pre-Release event! Peace,
- C
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