Weekend Update 2014: Week of January V to XII

Welcome to the first true Standard Pauper Weekend Update of 2014.  Yes, we have Roman numerals.  No, this piece needs no further introduction.  Table up?  Then GL & HF:

Upcoming Standard Pauper Events:

All times Eastern Standard Time

MPDC 23.11 takes place Monday, January 13 at 2:00 pm, hosted by Gwyned and sponsored by PureMTGO.

SPDC 20.03 will happen on Thursday, January 16 at 8:30 pm, hosted by yours truly and sponsored by PDCMagic.

I've also come upon a website I never have before, NuGamesOnline, which is holding a Standard Pauper event today!  If you are new to the Standard Pauper, the announcement is also another good introductory post for the format.  And if you're new to player-run-events or want to join the scene for the first time this week, definitely read and bookmark Gwyned's New Player Primer for the low-down on the how-to.

That’s a nice lead-in for regulars and veterans looking for the best in…

Standard Pauper Articles of the Week

At least the ones I could find.  If you feel your article deserves recognition and I missed it, let us know!

1/6/14: Gathering Magic - Be Kind

In which Rada Rudyak writes a heart-breaking piece for all Magic players that nearly brought me to tears, an appeal for courtesy and sanity in online gaming.  Read it.  That is all…from me…for now.

1/7/14 - MTGOstrat: Standard Deviations, Pauper Variable #10 

In which Brennon wishes us a Happy New year his perspective on SPDC 20.02.  He’s got a great video of his White Weenie vs.  Red Deck Wins therein. There's a plethora ofl videos from the event available at the Magic Gathering Strat YouTube channel, one of which we’ll get to in the op-ed section to follow...

1/10/2014:  The Draft Brewery - Gold Medal Cyclops.Dec 1st Place SPDC 20.02

In which DrChrisBakerDC gives us the meatiest piece of the week.  He took top spot at SPDC 20.02 with a Nivix Cyclops deck, an evolution of his prior Izzet Razor Burn.  The King of Izzet provides the kind of advanced strategies to Standard Pauper that only a pro like he could share.  It’s no wonder the metagame is going strong even though our player base is one of the smallest of MTGO communities.

1/11/14:  Bag of Loot - Knight’s Booty - Friday Night Leftovers

In which geraldknight3kl provides another quality introduction to our game. It’s a kind of shorter version of TheDraftBrewery’s excellent Top Ten Reason To Play Standard Pauper article from last month.  The only difference is that this one provides two deck lists relevant to the meta to help total beginners get started.  There's no reason to be on the fence after reading either of these :-)

11/11/14:  Standard Pauper Players - The Beauty of a Format Solving Itself

In which MundisV pens a unique perspective: the metagame seemed shift right out from under our feet while the Holiday Break snuck past.  She gives us a list of reasons why Dimir Mill is no longer the “unbeatable” and other brief insights after a discussion of key cards that lead to its downfall.

Cabel’s Sunday Talking Heads

Establishing Shot:

This is Where I Shoot the Standard Pauper Shit

Cue the Meet the Press theme and get the FCC censors on Skype!! This is where you can stop reading if it’s just information your looking for, are easily offended by stronger language, or just plain don‘t give a fuck what I think.  The show is nothing but filthy left-wing  bullshit from now on, so…

…in all seriousness, you may find, going forward, that this portion of the blog will take the liberty to border on the NSFW at times.  If I go that route, I will provide prior warning.  Otherwise, expect nothing worse than the below.  I’d say it’s on par with what we’d find in an R-rated film and certainly nothing even close to violating the Blogspot terms.

Why write this way, though?

Cuz I’m a “grown-ass man, dog,” that’s why!  Most of you guys are, too, this shit ain’t just for kids.  And it’s been a long ass week, come Sunday, you know that.  For me, that means it’s time to let loose.  So I’m gonna be la bit looser with the language in this section than you may be accustomed to. This is where I can shoot the shit about Standard Pauper like a grown-ass man who doesn't give a fuck after a long-ass week.  I'll never bullshit you, but this is a style of writing that I need to get done.

But nothing worse than I've ever seen printed in mass market magazines at the check-out counter or something might be said on The Daily Show, and that's kind of the idea here.  And trust me, if it's a bunch of bullshit on "bullshit" and other related profanities you want, I'm sure to cover that topic someday and explain why I need to spout off on a regular basis when the context is not cruel or unusual.

But fair warning is still warranted with such vulgar vocabulary, and the above should give any folks who wish to control their youngster's Magic content-consuming habits enough piece of mind for me to brutally decapitate this yet-another-run-on sentence and get to the fucking point already!

This Week w/ Cabel the Pauper

Brought to you by... the Shuffler-Rage-Quit-Induction Complex Corporation. "Keeping Things Random...To Be Fair"

Opening Sequence:

Plans for This Week and Beyond

Now, then. I do have big plans for this opinion section the Weekend Update now that I've found this little digital camera can also shoot video.  A great admirer of those Standard Pauper writers who cover the format with both textual and audiovisual media, I am determined to cultivate the ability to do the same at least as well.  I also admire the political talking heads whose living is to be just that: be a head on a tee-vee screen that just talks and talks and bullshits and bullshit with, incredibly, a straight face.

Since I only discovered this camera feature yesterday and suck at electronic devises without joysticks, I’m not quite ready for that yet.  A good substitute exists from one of the many videos Brennon posted from SPDC 20.02 provides me a perfect topic though: Why the hell I played such slow deck with no chance of winning, an untested Five Color Defenders Combo Pile:

Like, watch the whole thing if you must, but this vid get a self-depreciating highlight for being probably the most boring Standard Pauper video out there.  And it isn't for want of Brennon’s professional production; it’s all my damned decks fault!

He does make mention of how I scoop once I realize everybody else in the event is watching me get completely beaten down when all I have are dumbass Gatecreeper Vines and Axebane Guardians and absolutely nothing to do with all that mana…and no way to speed things and put us out of our misery.

Was I just listening to Pink Floyd on Purple Haze, or was there a method to my madness?

The Final Say:

How to Win for Losing, or, Hosting for the Long Haul

"Yes, there was!"

See, the thing about hosting an event like this is I’m not a very experienced host at all.  I don’t know the ins and outs of DCI Reporter the way folks who've been running PRE’s for years do.  Some days are tough for me (for reasons I’ll explain at a later date related to that anti-bullying article mentioned above) and both running and event and playing one to win at the same time is beyond my multitasking abilities.

Plus, just as it happens with other players, I can get bored and lose focus if I have to wait my ass off while a life-gain control mirror is stuck at 21 to 30-something after my Aggro deck just got stomped 0-2 after getting royally mana fucked.

What I was expecting at SPDC 20.02 was a long night with Dimir Mill decks coming back for more long games, and my main goal was to just not get bored or mentally overtaxed.  I wasn't trying to win because I didn't want to win.  I just needed a way to have fun playing Magic while I was concentrating on keeping the tourney running smoothly.  So I determined that in order to stay a Spike of host, I had to just play a Timmy deck that had no chance of winning...just the way I like my Timmy decks :-)

I did take one game when the Magical Christmasland combo of snagging a beast with Act of Treason and giving it the Apocalypto treatment with Corpse Blockade, but really, folks, the list can not be justified as playable if your goal is to do better than my deserved (as expected)  0-3 showing.

But if you want to have some fun and don’t care about winning, then by all means, get whacky!  I’m sure one of the more serious players looking for another gold medal for Dimir Mill or Izzet Control will only be too happy to see something so ineffective across the field.  Hell, maybe they’ll find some humor in it or you'll actually be able to pull of your Timmy combo once in the event!  If that’s what made you happy, then I’m all too happy to keep on hosting.

As to that, I truly hope whoever is reading this has the most fun they can have in their own way on MTGO, but also in a way that makes things fun for everybody.  That’s the number one reason I do what I do: the metagaming, the brewing, the writing, the hosting, the community-building.  It may not be much and attendance may not be astronomical…

…but I am having more fun that I've ever had with Standard Pauper and I’m seeing old-timers and noobs alike having a blast with this kick ass format.  And that makes the first full week of 2014 a damn good success in my book.

Now let’s do it all over again, Paupers!  We both made it through the week okay.  So let’s go kick the next weeks’ ass like we did the last.  You want my opinion on that?  It’s this:  We can do it!

Thanks for reading. I hope y’all have a great rest of your weekend with your IRL loved ones and Online buddies. Maybe I’ll see you later tonight for some friendly practice matches…but NOT with a bullshit (but still Timmytastic) slow-ass, five-color wall deck :-)  Peace!

- C